May 2012
6 posts
April 2012
10 posts
The Hype Machete
Greetings! My name is Elijah Sheindlinbergstein. I am the CEO of a unique new startup, codenamed iNsuffrblowr. We here at iNsuffrblowr HQ in Palo Alto are very excited about our new venture and we plan to start monetizing our brand as soon as possible in preparation for our eventual IPO.
We recently released an exclusive new 1080p videocast in HD3D and it has already gone viral throughout the...
Mash Pit
I had an interesting dream the other night. I was stood in a poorly-lit operating room, wearing full traditional surgeon’s garb, mask and all. There before me was an elderly gentleman, unconscious as a caber and naked as the day he was born from greying head to wrinkled toe, his entire mass suspended bottomside-up on a harness. I held - in the dominant of my gloved hands - a medium-sized...
February 2012
6 posts
Tumblrweed
Enough of this. We’ve all said enough. We’re all wrong. Yes, even you. No really. Nobody listens. Nobody cares. It doesn’t matter.
Everything has been said. All has been done. The future may or may not be bright, but it’ll be whatever it is already determined to be. Nobody can change that. Nothing can change that.
Re-Creation [Insipid Remix: Feat. MC No-Ideaz]
There was...
All Things Being Equal
Equilibrium is the cosmic grim reaper. All of what makes the universe the bedazzling spectacle that it is, exists as a consequence of disequilibrium.
Consider the enormous concentrations of mass within stars, offset by the great seas of emptiness that fill the expanses between; it is this wildly variant distribution of energy that allows life and all other magnificent phenomena to exist. However,...
Destiny's Apologist
The concept of fate has been somewhat misrepresented in popular culture. It needn’t be thought of as an arcane mystical force, like karma; on the contrary, belief in fate is entirely rational. Fate is the idea that everything that happens is inevitable, unavoidable and has been destined to occur since the beginning of time.
It may sound esoteric, but it is not, it is simply a matter of...
Oh Your God
Belief in God, the ubiquitous character-weakness, skilfully masquerading as a virtue. For a mentally-constructed coping mechanism, God has done rather well for Himself, carving out an impressive living over the aeons, playing the role of the ever present imaginary friend for the young of mind. Fear of death and an inability to handle bereavement are the true motivations that compel individuals to...
Life Goes Off
Birth. Cry. Reward. Cry. Punishment. Action. Reward. Action. Punishment. Boredom. Fear. Boredom. Action. Punishment. Action. Tumbleweed. Action. Tumbleweed. Expectation. Disappointment. Anguish. Action. Tumbleweed. Fear. Action. Tumbleweed. Fear. Action. Reward. Action. Punishment. Action. Tumbleweed. Action. Punishment. Boredom. Action. Tumbleweed. Boredom. Pain. Fear. Shock. Denial. Anguish....
January 2012
20 posts
I Projectile Down
Shared To Death
Astonishingly, the act of sharing is in danger of becoming a taboo. What was once seen as a positive thing that ought to be encouraged, is now increasingly portrayed as a foolish act that promotes dependence and lethargy. Benefactors of the shared ‘public’ goods of society are labelled as ‘freeloaders’ who are receiving ‘handouts’.
The wealth of individuals has...
Not For Rent
In this part of the world, slaves were once owned; today, employees are rented. Is that really such an improvement? We may frown on those who would defend slavery, but are we really so much better than they are, when we allow slavery’s rental cousin to dominate society for generation after generation, without opposition?
If this sorry chapter in the development of human civilisation should...
Super Noodles Forever
For The Group Of Large 26-Element Molecules That...
People whinge and whine, moan and groan, complain everyday till the cows come home. Everybody has an answer, everybody has something to say, but nobody listens to anybody else, unless they speak in the same dull way.
Everybody cares, until it’s too much of a strain. Everybody wants the best for all, until it’s their turn to change. Everybody loves to blend in with the crowd, yet is...
This Is Your Life
Wake up. Sleep. Wake up. Vegetate. Get up. Yawn. Stretch. Walk. Cover with fabric. Walk. Sit down. Eat frozen blob from packet in box. Swallow hot fluid. Stand up. Walk. Brush and groom. Walk. Walk. Walk. Sit down. Keys. Pedals. Wheels. Mirror. Signal. Manoeuver. Stand up. Walk. Sit down. Read. Smirk. Copy. Paste. Post. Tweet. Retweet. Your turn. My turn. Your opinion. My opinion. The same....
Drag ¬_¬
The Mouldy Lump Of Dirt That Fuckt Itself
In the deepest, darkest, most mundane outback of the unbounded beige expanse, a lump of dirt falls in 3-ellipticals around a sizzling cloud of mustard gas. The lump of dirt is barren at first, then slime accrues and the surface moves; the slime begins to shine, then hardens, forming more shit to rhyme.
Fast-forward four billion revolutions around the sizzling cloud, the surface is barely...
Nappy Birthday ^_^
Jazz Pop
Scrambled Egg
The Continuum Is Discrete
A slimy mould growing upon the surface of a lump of shite that is falling in circles around a sizzling bag of puff. Falling towards the horizon of the vicinity from which it fell. Encased within a block of everything, everywhere, everywhen. Comprehensive. What we feel moving, like a pond, does the outside, if there is an outside, if that even makes sense, see the movement? Or is it just the...
I Want To Be A T-Shirt
Out Of The Grave, Onto The Gravy Train
Thousands of recently deceased corpses will be forced to undergo assessments and face “back to work” interviews, despite assurances from ministers that they would not make it harder for the dead to rest in peace, charities have warned.
In a report to the cabinet by Prof Crank Charles-Atan, the government adviser on the assessment of death certificate recipients, are proposals to...
I Have A Stalker
So I was brushing my teeth earlier today, when out of the blue I heard a strange noise emanating from my room. I put my toothbrush down and hurried into my room to find that my cupboard door was ajar. I tiptoed across the carpet quietly, and some other atmospheric shit happened, then I took a deep breath and opened the cupboard door; I expected to perhaps discover my next door neighbour, hiding in...
Vertigo
I had the most disturbing episode of head-spinning dizziness a few minutes ago, as I was leaning over the sink; still feel wobbly and off-kilter. I hope it was just the leaning and not (what would be) my third bout of Labyrinthitis.
Up and down is everywhere,
a superposition of here and there,
bodies flying all over the shop,
noise bouncing off every surface,
lunatics churning in the tumble...
December 2011
6 posts
Nutrition
Rumble-tumble down the hill,
stumble-fumble, picnic on wheels,
rolling scones and crispy crunch,
falling head over heels in lunch.
Web 2.5
A wiki for this, an app for that,
filter your feed, upload and tag,
reblog the meme, retweet the trend,
follow, subscribe, remove, unfriend.
September 2011
12 posts
